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Stories
and Interviews
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K.V
- "Her" side of the coin.
Interview
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Q
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Please
state your name.
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A
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K.V
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Q
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Do
you know what marriage sham is?
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A
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I
heard of marriage sham but in my case, I became a victim of
marriage sham.
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Q
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So,
you believe you were a victim of marriage sham?
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A
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Yes,
I was not aware I was in a marriage sham before marring my
ex.
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Q
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Were
you at all aware, that you were in a marriage sham?
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A
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No,
I was in love, I had no clue.
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Q
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Would
you like to share your story?
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A
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Yes.
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Q
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Take
us back to when this all began for you.
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A
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I
met him at a place of worship.
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Q
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How
long did you date your ex-husband before you got married?
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A
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We
dated for about six months.
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Q
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When
you were dating him, were you aware that he wasn't a Canadian
citizen.
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A
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At
first, I was not aware that he was not a Canadian citizen
but later he mentioned
he was on refugee claim.
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Q
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When
did you exactly find out he was under the refugee claim?
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A
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Hmmm…about
couple of months into dating him, by then I fall in love with
him.
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Q
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So
when did you get married?
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A
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After
six months of dating in 1995.
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Q
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What
happened after you got married?
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A
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I
found out that his refugee claim was denied and I had to sponsor
him. The immigration officer mentions that my ex should have
gotten a refusal letter or deportation letter. I am not sure.
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Q
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Do
you know why his refugee claim was denied?
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A
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I
am not sure.
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Q
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Now,
take us back to what happened during the first year of your
marriage?
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A
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My
first year of marriage was great but I noticed that my ex-husband
began drinking a lot which resulted into arguments. But it
was nothing serious at that time.
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Q
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Did
you know he drank?
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A
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No,
I was not aware he drank since his celebrant at the place
of worship spoke very highly of him and also gave me a reference
letter of his character. Furthermore, the celebrant was present
and witnessed my marriage.
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Q
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So,
when did he receive his Permanent Residency (PR)?
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A
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He
received his P.R. after three years of our marriage, in 1998.
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Q
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Were
the following years of your marriage as great as the first?
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A
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The
third year, his drinking was a bit out of control and he started
became violent.
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Q
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Violent!
Did he physically abuse you?
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A
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No,
He did not physically abuse me but he would break and smash
things in the house. He started calling me names and telling
me that I was to bow and touch his feet because he was from
a high caste. He would pass gas on my face and kick me. I
guess he started verbally abusing me. It was as if he was
two different people. In front of other people he would be
this super nice man but alone with me he would swear and insult
me. Worse, he would insult my culture. It became so bad that
one time I even called the Battered Women. Which scared him
and he apologized.
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Q
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You
mentioned a minute ago that he kicked you. Do you not think
that was physical abuse?
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A
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Hmmm….
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Q
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I
am guessing he was not scared for long?
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A
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Yes,
the worst part was that I became used to his behaviour.
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Q
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I
see that you are upset, are you okay? Would you like to stop
or do you still want to continue?
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A
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No,
I am not okay but I would like to continue. Well, when he
finally received his P.R. it was within a couple of months
that he decided to visit his motherland. I wanted to go with
him but he told me that I would not like it. After he came
back, we stayed together for a couple of months before he
decided that our marriage was not working out and he suggested
we needed some space. He wanted to live separately and needed
some time to think. He found me an apartment and helped me
move in.
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Q
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So,
you moved out on your own?
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A
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Yes,
he found me an apartment and helped me to move out. He told
me to keep all the house hold things since this was just a
temporary separation and just wanted space. Unfortunately,
I was naïve and did not realize his true intentions.
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Q
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You
did not have a clue this was the end of your marriage?
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A
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Yes,
I did not realize what he was doing. He would visit me and
we would have a great time. However, I slowly noticed that
all he came for was sex and would use a condom. I became suspicious
and one day I asked him when he was planning to move back.
He then told me he had no intention to continue this marriage.
I asked him why? That's when he told me that he was seeing
someone else. I was very upset, furious and incredibly hurt.
He asked me for a divorce.
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Q
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How
did you feel?
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A
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I
felt like killing my self and I felt used. More over I was
angry and couldn't believe what was happening to me. I did
so much for this man, even withdrew my R.R.S.P to sponsor
him and hired a lawyer so he could get his P.R.
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Q
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So,
I am guessing he paid for the divorce?
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A
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Well,
he set up everything with his lawyer and just wanted me to
go in to sign the papers. I did not go and he was very angry.
He told me he wanted his life back and for the first time
told me he was seeing someone else who happened to be from
his own culture. So he made another appointment. Even though
I was hurt and angry I went the lawyer's office. I signed
the papers and told my ex that he was a free man now. I like
to add that during this time when he was asking for divorce
and after learning about his infinity, I called the Immigration
and told them I wanted to deport my husband on the grounds
of marriage fraud and infinity. The immigration officer I
spoke to told me that I could not do anything because he was
a P.R. now. I told my ex-husband that I was going to deport
him for marriage fraud. He got scared and hired a lawyer.
He learned that I could not do anything because he was P.R.
now.
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Q
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I'm
sorry I know you are in a lot of pain recalling your past. Are
you sure your okay? |
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A
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It
hurts so much. I truly loved him. |
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Q
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Would
you like to add anything else? |
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A
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Yes,
I don't understand how I was caught up in a marriage sham.
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Date
of Interview: Wednesday, January 12, 2005.
Permission granted by K.V to post her interview on my website.
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