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Personal Experience, a survivor of acquaintance rape.

"It has taken me awhile to realize and recognize that the forced sexual intercourse that I had experienced eleven years ago was indeed acquaintance rape. After the traumatic experience, I went into a phase of shock and blocked any memory of that event. As a result, I had lost control of my life and to this day, I can only recall fragments of the events that occurred that day. I had eventually become numb and refused to acknowledge the trauma, which in return destroyed my trust in any relationship and the need for human intimacy. Yet, this was just the beginning of the many traumatic mental and emotional abuse that I would encounter. Since the rape took a huge toll on my ability to think clearly I ended up marring the assailant, that at which point I had subconsciously shut down emotionally during the sexual intercourse that would occur between us. Where I would not feel any intimacy and love during my marriage. I had become a robot, a stone where love and intimacy of any kind would not penetrate in my mind or heart.

It has taken me eleven years to completely and fully understand that what had occurred was acquaintance rape and that it was real. I am aware that unfortunately many women have become victims of some form of rape and have suffered deeply with the consequences. For me the toll was doubled since I was a virgin and my first intimate encounter was being raped. I had truly believed that it was my fault and I blamed myself for the rape. This could be the reason that I married the assailant. I wanted to punish myself which would seemed the right thing to do at that moment as my moral ethic contributed to my decision. Yet, sadly, I also became a victim of marriage shame. "