After six years of separation, my dad and brothers were finally about to join us
in Canada in only a matter of days. I was ashamed and did not want to bring disgrace to my father's honour or name. Glancing at my image on the mirror,
I was disgusted and repulsed. I resented myself and became self destructive
and abusive. I felt I was sinking in a swamp or trapped in a spider's web.
I started to indulge in food and to torture myself. I turned to liquor and cigarettes.
I succeeded in numbing my emotions and the deep aching in my heart by getting drunk. This way, I felt in control.

In the months after his first sexual attack on me,I realized that I might have been pregnant, and went to a doctor to be tested, and the results came back positive. That evening, my fiancé showed up with an ultimatum for me. This was the first time that he came clean and told me that he was running out of time and needed to be sponsored. He asked if I was going to marry him or not and informed me
that if I refused, that he had found a girl who agreed to a marriage contract. Mentally, emotionally and physically I felt defeated. Pressured in my soul by a sense of responsibility to my family's reputation, values, and moral ethics,
I felt I had no choice but to marry him. I gave up hope and I sacrificed my
dreams, ambitions and life. I was not thinking rationally.

"Fool for Marriage"series
SACIFICE

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